The Road to Rose

Like most children, the beginning of my life was about being raised with limits. My parents determined what I could or couldn’t do. What I could or couldn’t have. And held back from wandering too far.

Childhood became adolescence and that changed into young adulthood. I was still put in a box that I found limiting. All this time, my focus would be on the limit set, not what would happen if things went my way.

Recently, I started to purchase what I desire. I want things. Nice things like a purse, a watch, perfume. I saw a pretty girl online with lip liner and spend $12 getting it. I got dark brown eyeliner to apply to my lips because the darkest lip liner shade I saw was named “the baddest nude”. It rubbed off and I couldn’t apply my lip balm because the colors would blend, not line my lips. The procedure was kind of tedious. That situation made me question wanting. Because when you get what you want, you’ll just want another thing.

Wanting long hair but not wanting to do hours of work. Wanting long hair but not wanting to take years to grow. Wanting long hair now but not wanting it to be fake. Wanting fake hair but not wanting to pay hundreds or to be judged for having short hair one day and long the next.

Wanting to be liked. Wanting a child but not wanting to sacrifice like a parent does. Wanting a child but also have the same freedom of time and money. Wanting it to be easy. And by it, I mean everything.

Now that I’m an adult, my life is like a blank canvas. I can create whatever life I wish. But how do I carve out my new life with 24 hours in a day?

Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman says you should limit what you do because you don’t have enough time to do everything. It also says that people should accept that some things, even important things, will fall to the side.

Maybe the same idea can be applied to my material desires. I can’t have everything after all.